From Triathlon to Wilderness

To say that I was “into” triathlon the last couple years would be an understatement.  After my first race in the summer of 2009, I ate slept and breathed triathlon for the next couple years... and had a lot of success.  And now, I have sold my beautiful triathlon bike to help pay for my Alaska trip.  Understandably, people wonder why I am walking away from a sport that I had talent and passion for.  It has been difficult to let go of and, who knows, I may get back into it later on.  But for now, there are simply too many other adventures that I want to experience for me to be so focused on one sport.  I thoroughly enjoyed racing, and am intensely grateful that I was able to do what I have done. I built some serious fitness and confidence, and I am proud of my achievements...but I am ready to move on.  

The Kansas half Ironman in June of 2010 marked what I consider the height of my “triathlon career”.  With one season of training, I finished 25th amateur out of 2000, and I was convinced that I had discovered what I was good at.  I focused everything on getting faster in the hopes that I could do the sport professionally.  Being a pro athlete is, of course, a far fetched dream, but I felt like I had done so well in so little time that I had a chance; as a fairly new and obscure sport where the world champions are in their late 30s, it was more accessible than any of the major sports.

 

But dedication to training, rather than racing, turned out to be the major hang-up for me.  In the spring of 2011 I was swimming biking or running every day of the week and I started to really question what I was doing it for.  At that point, the enjoyment of training was beginning to wear off and my mental image of myself competing professionally was not becoming any clearer or closer.  I needed some deep down drive in order to keep at it, but that was proving to be elusive.  The end of my college career was around the corner and I had no idea what I was going to do afterward.  I didn’t expect that racing in triathlon would pay the bills, so I would still need a real job to support myself.  So the way I began to see it was that I would be forced to take whatever “job” I could to support my athletic pursuits on the side.  Well-- I have never been keen on just working a job--unless it was temporary.  Like many people, I want my work to be my passion.  With school almost over, the reality was sinking in that the time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life was running out. I was content doing triathlon in conjunction with college, but it didn't feel quite important enough to center my life around as I prepared to leave the comfortable routine of the last few years. A familiar feeling began to surface in my mind. I always felt like I belonged outside...in the mountains or deserts, climbing rocks and mountains, or hiking trails, and travelling the country and the world. I still didn't know how to make a living at it, but until I figured that out, I felt like I would rather simplify my life as much as possible in order to avoid getting caught up in a mundane routine. Triathlon didn't fit into that picture.  

I have always imagined that if I cut living expenses enough, I could have the time and mobility to see and experience great places.  Before I got wrapped up in school and triathlon, I just wanted to be a "climbing bum"-- working dangerous/undesirable (high paying) jobs for portions of the year to make enough to pay for food and gas as I traveled from one climbing destination to another, living out of my vehicle.  No rent, a beater truck, no nice clothes, TV, or fancy phones. The appeal of such a life is not just the excitement and joy of climbing, but also the simplicity and the experience of wonderful places and intriguing people.  It has been the only way I can come up with to avoid the materialist culture of city living--the rat race.  I could theoretically do triathlon in the same simple way as climbing, but training for occasional competitions is not an end in itself like climbing and living in beautiful places is.  Triathlon is a city sport that requires more structure and routine than I intend to impose on myself in the years ahead. (more on "the rat race" later)

With that realization, my devotion began to fade.  I had never done triathlon just for fun...without the upper echelon as a potential goal anymore, I didn’t have the drive to train for ten to twenty hours a week.  Unfortunately, this was all going through my head around three months prior to the big race, which I needed to be seriously training for if I wanted to do the thing.  I knew that 140.6 miles wouldn’t happen if I tried to just go out and wing it.  I thought I was going to have to call it quits until one night when I literally stumbled (stumbleupon.com) upon a website about a guy about my age who was planning to do what he called the “all-in trek” which was a combination of long distance hiking trails and amounted to a 12,000 mile hike around the US.  I was inspired by his enterprise and decided that night that I would do one of the trails--the 2,600 mile Pacific Crest Trail.  

Fortunately, the excitement of that new dream helped me view my upcoming Ironman differently.  Instead of being vexed by the long term purpose of racing and stressing about finishing in a certain time, I saw it as I should have all along; simply completing an Ironman would be a major physical achievement...something I would remember for my whole life, and I may not ever be so well prepared as I was at that time.  With a new dream on the horizon, it seemed unconscionable to let the current one go, just short of a crowning achievement.  I was elated that I had found the motivation to follow through... largely because my dad had paid half of the race entry fee and I felt like I would be letting him down--not as a waste of money but rather a forgone opportunity.  I viewed his donation as a vote of confidence in me.  I was so exhilarated, I don’t think I slept at all that night.  

Shortly after that time, Heath and I began hatching our Alaska (2011) plans.  And that adventure would push triathlon even further away, as well as displace my Pacific Crest Trail plans.