Into the Wild

Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. So now, after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual revolution. No longer to be poisoned by civilization, he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild. Alexander Supertramp, May 1992.

I recently re-watched a favorite movie, featuring Alaska, called Into the Wild.  It’s a 2007 film directed by Sean Penn, based on the non-fiction book by Jon Krakauer in which recent college grad Christopher McCandless (played by Emile Hirsch) donates his $24,000 grad-school fund to charity, burns his cash and social security card and treks around the western US with only what he can carry in his backpack.  I won’t try to describe the movie in detail here but I think a lot of people have seen it so I thought I’d talk about it.  
First I must make it clear that MY MOTIVATIONS FOR LEAVING HOME ARE NOT THE SAME AS CHRIS’S.  While I share a lot of his ideals and relate with his desire for new experiences, I do NOT have an anguished childhood and oppressive parents to escape from.  My parents are great and have always been supportive of whatever I have chosen to do.  I suppose I should also point out that I do not intend to go out into the wilderness on my own with no training either, which led to his demise in the movie.
The distinction about motivation is important because a primary issue throughout the movie is the emotional damage sustained by the main character, resulting from his father’s spousal abuse, and from having discovered as an adolescent that he and his sister were born as illegitimate children.  But, his family issues are not the only reasons he is drawn to the road.  I suspect that most people enjoy the movie for the same reasons I do. Because, deep down, many of us yearn for some sort of drastic change in our lives. It may be vague and irrational; even if things are going fine, and we have everything that should make us happy, something seems to be missing, and we feel like the only solution is escape...travel.  Not a vacation, but a journey out into the unknown where things are sure to be “different”. 
 I would also say that the main source of discontent that many of us feel is related to society, as in the movie.  There is so much pressure to conform to societal norms that we feel powerless to live as we want to.  McCandless leaves not only because of his family, but primarily because he does not share the values and ideals of anyone around him in his normal life.  He theorizes that happiness does not derive principally  from “things” or even human relationships, but can be enjoyed spontaneously, anytime, from interaction with the natural world.  “The core of man’s spirit comes from new experiences!”, as he says.  He shuns the new car that his parents offer to buy him, and although he establishes a number of meaningful relationships with people during his travels, he would not settle down for anyone.  He says “money makes people cautious” and that “careers are a 20th century invention and I don’t want one”. I think he is right about money and things, but he was wrong about human relationships. As he figures out in the end, "happiness is only real when shared". (one of my reasons for writing this blog ;)
I relate to Supertramp, as McCandless calls himself, because I also feel an overwhelming desire not to conform to the culture I live in.  Many of us have some aversion to the culture around us, but differ in the degree to which we are willing or able to depart from it.  The only way to fully escape from it is to live self-sufficiently, ie. alone in the woods, or in a commune, off the grid.  I think many deviants, are like me in that they don’t seek total removal.  I appreciate many aspects of our capitalist economy and our government--I couldn't have done half of what I have done without the GI Bill and other educational benefits.  While I love travelling, I don’t want to live alone in the woods or roam around aimlessly.  I want to be around people and be productive in some way.  Actually, the more I think about this, the less drastic my aspirations seem.  I don’t know if I will end up in any counter-culture...I have taken interest in a few ways of life that I think would qualify as such, but what I am after now is really just introduction to a community of people and industries (guiding and outdoor recreation) that does not exist in Kansas.  I think Supertramp might have had a similar purpose to his wandering.  He was probably out searching for a way of life that suited him.  He obviously didn’t know exactly where to look, but he trusted (had faith) that it was out there waiting for him to find it.  Most of his apparently wreckless, selfish actions were about staying open-minded and untied.  He needed mobility at all costs, in order to find his place in the world.

For better or for worse, I have done more preparing and have more direction to my plans for the year ahead, compared to Supertramp.  But I can’t help but feel like I am heading into the wild as well.

For all the quotes from this highly quotable movie...
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Into_the_Wild_(film)

From Triathlon to Wilderness

To say that I was “into” triathlon the last couple years would be an understatement.  After my first race in the summer of 2009, I ate slept and breathed triathlon for the next couple years... and had a lot of success.  And now, I have sold my beautiful triathlon bike to help pay for my Alaska trip.  Understandably, people wonder why I am walking away from a sport that I had talent and passion for.  It has been difficult to let go of and, who knows, I may get back into it later on.  But for now, there are simply too many other adventures that I want to experience for me to be so focused on one sport.  I thoroughly enjoyed racing, and am intensely grateful that I was able to do what I have done. I built some serious fitness and confidence, and I am proud of my achievements...but I am ready to move on.  

The Kansas half Ironman in June of 2010 marked what I consider the height of my “triathlon career”.  With one season of training, I finished 25th amateur out of 2000, and I was convinced that I had discovered what I was good at.  I focused everything on getting faster in the hopes that I could do the sport professionally.  Being a pro athlete is, of course, a far fetched dream, but I felt like I had done so well in so little time that I had a chance; as a fairly new and obscure sport where the world champions are in their late 30s, it was more accessible than any of the major sports.

 

But dedication to training, rather than racing, turned out to be the major hang-up for me.  In the spring of 2011 I was swimming biking or running every day of the week and I started to really question what I was doing it for.  At that point, the enjoyment of training was beginning to wear off and my mental image of myself competing professionally was not becoming any clearer or closer.  I needed some deep down drive in order to keep at it, but that was proving to be elusive.  The end of my college career was around the corner and I had no idea what I was going to do afterward.  I didn’t expect that racing in triathlon would pay the bills, so I would still need a real job to support myself.  So the way I began to see it was that I would be forced to take whatever “job” I could to support my athletic pursuits on the side.  Well-- I have never been keen on just working a job--unless it was temporary.  Like many people, I want my work to be my passion.  With school almost over, the reality was sinking in that the time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life was running out. I was content doing triathlon in conjunction with college, but it didn't feel quite important enough to center my life around as I prepared to leave the comfortable routine of the last few years. A familiar feeling began to surface in my mind. I always felt like I belonged outside...in the mountains or deserts, climbing rocks and mountains, or hiking trails, and travelling the country and the world. I still didn't know how to make a living at it, but until I figured that out, I felt like I would rather simplify my life as much as possible in order to avoid getting caught up in a mundane routine. Triathlon didn't fit into that picture.  

I have always imagined that if I cut living expenses enough, I could have the time and mobility to see and experience great places.  Before I got wrapped up in school and triathlon, I just wanted to be a "climbing bum"-- working dangerous/undesirable (high paying) jobs for portions of the year to make enough to pay for food and gas as I traveled from one climbing destination to another, living out of my vehicle.  No rent, a beater truck, no nice clothes, TV, or fancy phones. The appeal of such a life is not just the excitement and joy of climbing, but also the simplicity and the experience of wonderful places and intriguing people.  It has been the only way I can come up with to avoid the materialist culture of city living--the rat race.  I could theoretically do triathlon in the same simple way as climbing, but training for occasional competitions is not an end in itself like climbing and living in beautiful places is.  Triathlon is a city sport that requires more structure and routine than I intend to impose on myself in the years ahead. (more on "the rat race" later)

With that realization, my devotion began to fade.  I had never done triathlon just for fun...without the upper echelon as a potential goal anymore, I didn’t have the drive to train for ten to twenty hours a week.  Unfortunately, this was all going through my head around three months prior to the big race, which I needed to be seriously training for if I wanted to do the thing.  I knew that 140.6 miles wouldn’t happen if I tried to just go out and wing it.  I thought I was going to have to call it quits until one night when I literally stumbled (stumbleupon.com) upon a website about a guy about my age who was planning to do what he called the “all-in trek” which was a combination of long distance hiking trails and amounted to a 12,000 mile hike around the US.  I was inspired by his enterprise and decided that night that I would do one of the trails--the 2,600 mile Pacific Crest Trail.  

Fortunately, the excitement of that new dream helped me view my upcoming Ironman differently.  Instead of being vexed by the long term purpose of racing and stressing about finishing in a certain time, I saw it as I should have all along; simply completing an Ironman would be a major physical achievement...something I would remember for my whole life, and I may not ever be so well prepared as I was at that time.  With a new dream on the horizon, it seemed unconscionable to let the current one go, just short of a crowning achievement.  I was elated that I had found the motivation to follow through... largely because my dad had paid half of the race entry fee and I felt like I would be letting him down--not as a waste of money but rather a forgone opportunity.  I viewed his donation as a vote of confidence in me.  I was so exhilarated, I don’t think I slept at all that night.  

Shortly after that time, Heath and I began hatching our Alaska (2011) plans.  And that adventure would push triathlon even further away, as well as displace my Pacific Crest Trail plans.  

Preparations

Hello, and welcome to my blog!  This is my very first post, so if it's lame, give me a break and try again later!  Thanks for stopping by...

School is over, the holidays are past, I have registered for my Alaska course, and I am packing my things.  The course doesn't start until the end of April, but having been in Wichita for five and a half years now, I am anxious to get on my way.  Since I don't have anything tying me to Wichita, I am planning to spend the rest of the winter (Feb-April) in San Diego, CA where I know a few people and have a free place to stay. The only thing holding me back is my car...I have to get it sold before I can leave--and pay for my trip.
Why San Diego...This past October, I made a long overdue trip to San Diego to visit my friend Bobby, who I know from my time in the Marine Corps.  He owns a condo in SD and has insisted that I come stay with him for a couple months, free of charge...and he also happens to have an extra surf board for me. So, clearly the real question is, why not?! Ever since I left in 2006, I have been dreaming about the beautiful weather and terrain of Southern California that made me love the outdoors, so I am looking forward to spending some time out there while I can.  I will need to find some kind of work, but I'm flexible and I don’t need much, so I hope to have time to surf, cycle, and run my way to a pretty good level of fitness before heading north in April.